In Tribute to an Angel and “Rabbi” in my Life: David Federman

(Remarks Shared at his Funeral on December 6th, 2022 at Beth El, West Hartford, CT)  

It is hard to believe we are here today. It is surreal. David embodied so much life and love, wisdom, humor, and optimism. 

Jeannie, my heart breaks for you, Eric, Brian and the entire family. Your loss is the most profound. He was your anchor, soulmate and so much more and I wish you, the children, grandchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews God’s comfort and the gift to feel Dave’s presence always. 

I am humbled and honored to share a few words in tribute to one of the most important people in my life, David Federman. I already miss him deeply. I would not be the rabbi and person I am today if not for him. 

I spent just seven years as rabbi of the Young Israel of West Hartford from 1995 until 2002.  From our first hello through the valleys and peaks and rhythms of everyday life, illness, funerals and thank God, celebrations, honest advice, growing Jewish Links, and soulful conversations, he has been the wind beneath my wings for over 25 years. 

Although I am older now, David and Jeannie always liked to refer to me even to this day as the baby rabbi. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, Dave sent me the following email the morning of our daughter's recent wedding in Israel. 

“Dani- Our relationship is very special and thank you for always thinking of Jeanie and me as we do of you.

 The years you were in West Hartford were very special to us. 

 You may remember Jeanie’s mother, a somewhat religious person and holocaust survivor, who thought we were part of a “Rabbi Cohen cult”.     She was not upset with us but rather mystified.  Jeanie and I were not the only ones in your “cult”.

 You were the ”baby Rabbi” and now you are a grandfather.  How can this be true?  For us, you will always be the baby Rabbi.”

 Upon reflection, David was actually one of my rabbis. 

A rabbi is a teacher and mentor. He certainly was that and more. He was a dear friend and angel in my life for whom I can never repay his kindnesses and to whom I am eternally grateful.

His love, trust and faith in me meant the world. As a young rabbi at the YIWH in my first full time position, I had a dream of sharing the joys of Judaism beyond the walls of the shul, fostering unity and unleashing light wherever possible in people's lives. I was a newly minted Rabbi and David took a chance on me. It was atypical for him and Jeannie to join an Orthodox shul but they opened their hearts to me and I to them. 

David believed in me and together with other angels who are here today we started Jewish Links. So many early memories literally live in me to this day. Friday night dinner at our home with you and Dave, Mickey and Michael, Mordy and Pam, a Shabbat at the synagogue, driving to NYC with Mordy for a tasty kosher meal and to meet with Rabbi Buchwald of National Jewish Outreach Program to seek his advice as we started Jewish Links. I will never forget the Unity events right here in Beth El with Avi Weiss and Rebbtzen Jungreis to name just a few. When I suggested an idea for a program, David in his style would say - “Let's give it a shot. As they say, in Raiders of the Lost Ark - we will make it up as we go along”. We did and the spiritual dividends endure to this day. 

David could have easily filled his days with other noble community efforts but to his credit he moved outside his comfort zone to be partner and dreamer with me. So many things I have done over the past 25 years trace back to the fire David fueled in me and in turn in other people, here and beyond. I cannot thank him enough. 

In my mind and I know we would all agree, he truly embodied the essence of what it means to lead a life of legacy. 

In fact, the Talmud offers a road map for spiritual greatness by asking each of us to keep four questions in mind every day. This is the true litmus test for all of us. 

The first is whether we are devoted to family. 

The second question is whether we value our faith. 

The third is whether we live with unparalleled honesty and integrity. 

The fourth question is whether we exude joy and optimism. 

To all of these questions, I know Dave could answer Amen, Amen, Amen and Amen. 

Jewish mysticism teaches that there is a fifth question - the most haunting and inspiring of all. 

The final question emerges from an ancient mystical teaching. Before we are born, every human being is accompanied by an angel in the womb who teaches us the secret to leading a life of meaning and purpose, and shows us a Divine light to guide our lives. Right before we are born into the world, the angel taps us right above our mouths and the light is forgotten but never lost. It is hidden deep inside all of us. 

At the end of our lives, we are also greeted by an angel. We recognize that angel because it is the same one who taught us the secret of the light before we were born. The angel will aks us two questions. Did we reveal the light inside of us every day - did we live inspired every day with gratitude, joy and courage? Secondly, did we share our light with the world - did we do our best everyday to be a stranger to no one and flood the universe with kindness? 

I know David can answer yes to both of these questions. 

He lived his life with the goal not of changing the world but of changing the world of one person multiple times a day. His soul shined wherever he went and the hundreds of people here today bear testimony to his extraordinary Divine light. 

David walked into my life 25 years ago and his soul will always live in me and through me, forever.

To keep his memory burning bright, I ask everyone to take 10 seconds right now. Think of how David touched your soul, a memory, a hug, a hello, wisdom, his integrity,...think of one person right now for whom you can be their David Federman. Spread his light today and every day. Ask yourself the angels questions every night. 

I loved David and will always love him. In the words of a friend, “he was one of the kindest, most wonderful people I ever knew.” 

He was an angel in all of our lives and he will be shining down on us and being a source of inspiration for many many years to come. May God comfort you, Jeannie and the entire family and may David's memory be a blessing always.